Wednesday, August 31, 2011

The Bible: College Edition

Bible verses adapted for college students:

Mt 4:4
It is written, "man shall not live by Ramen alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God."

Mt 25:24-25
He who had received the one talent came forward, saying, 'Master, I knew you to be a hard man . . . so I was afraid, and I went and got an Art Degree.

Ex 12:29
At midnight the Lord smote all the first-born in the land of Egypt with a mighty load of student loan debt.

Mk 2:16-17
The scribes and the Pharisees, asked Jesus' disciples, "Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?"  And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, "It is not the sober who have need of a designated driver, but those who are wasted."

Lk 12:35
Let your loins be girded and your lamps burning and don't fall asleep, because your term paper is due tomorrow.

Gen 4:8
Cain said to his roommate Abel, "Let us go out to the field." And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against Abel, and killed him because he kept waking Cain up at two in the morning.

1 Cor 7:39
A coed is free to date whom she wishes if he belongs to the Lord or at least has a car.

Jer 23:32
Behold, I am against those who prophesy lying dreams, says the Lord, who lead my people astray with Women's Studies and Howard Zinn.

Dan 5:5
Suddenly, opposite the lampstand, the fingers of a human hand appeared, writing on the plaster of the wall in the king's palace in double spaced 12 point type.

Rev 21:19
I warn every one who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: if any one uses them without proper citation, he will be suspended for plagiarism.


  1. I'm gonna try to do a Bible translation for Canadians! lol!!!

  2. Patrick, Since I work at a college they all make perfect sense to me, except for 1 thing, Howard Zinn. Given what I remember about your major & what I found when I googled him, am I correct in assuming that he is the late historian? & if so, I can understand why you included him.